My Dad was talking to us at the restaurant last night - Mom and he took us out for a night on the town - we were chatting about multigenerational living.
When he was a kid in the various low-rent regions of the upper and lower Ottawa Valley (that is to say, all of the Ottawa Valley), it was considered normal to have multiple generations living on the same plot of land in self-contained units - duplexes, essentially.
He then noted that post-war wealth had created a stigmatization of this sustainable and community-focused lifestyle. All of a sudden, there was a judgement attached to “living with [your] parents”.
Today, we’re down 85% in our debt snowball from where we started in Feb/March of 2019. This sustainable lifestyle, my in-laws already having a self-contained suite in their basement (the Oma suite!), and communication has made this last several years an extremely rich experience.
85%. Eighty-five percent. If the hardware store puts a tool on for 85% off retail, that’s a pretty big number, isn’t it?
What makes being a multigenerational family work:
-boundaries. 6pm to 7pm is news time. Our free time is not availability. We are together, not a scramble. Yes, we’re going to the same place, BUT, let’s take two cars.
-loving each other. When I get the sense that my mother or father in-law is going through something, I ask. I make them a meal. I clean their space. I take care of maintenance - small engine tune up and diagnosis, extremely rough carpentry, whatever.
-two self-contained units. We have our own kitchen, bedrooms and bathroom. I think this is the lynchpin of the sustainability of our lifestyle.
-compromising, giving and giving more - I’m leading a team down here - Christina and I are equal partners and I look to her for leadership, she looks to me for leadership. We can’t let HJ and Olivia down. When I’m selfish and don’t want to share my talents/communicate/compromise, I’m letting down my team in a way that is unacceptable. Am I saying “no” or “not right now”?
-communication - Have I explained my declination or boundary properly? Do I need to stop texting, looking for clarity, and pick up the phone or meet face to face to iron out details?
-effort. Everyone in the household needs to be putting out, and everyone is working hard, tired, on their feet all day, etc. - we need to have empathy, we’re all having a relatable human experience, and it really does take one to know one.
This is a strange and difficult period of unrest both economically and politically. Please don’t sleep on this lifestyle. Your pride may be causing you to miss out on what has been (at least for us) the best several years of our extremely happy marriage.
Thank you to my folks for their continuing love and support. Thank you, Reni and Jurgen, for your love and hospitality. 85% down, 15% to go! Bust it!
Good for you, on every count. I grew up in a farmhouse comprised of three separate homes, all joined by internal doors. We lived in the middle house, and as children, we were told to ask before visiting my grandparents or great-aunt, but that seldom happened. Instead, we'd tiptoe to the door, crack it open, and pop through, hopefully without getting caught by our mother. I'm glad to hear this has been such a good experience for you and Christina, for all the reasons you mentioned. But the bonus fallout of this living arrangement will be HJ's warm and wonderful lifelong memories. I speak from experience. 🙂