I’m enjoying “Know Yourself, Know Your Money” by Rachel Cruze - I’ve read it a couple of times now.
You realize a few things as you go through a book talking about childhood money classrooms (four quadrants - Quadrant 1: Anxious Classroom Emotionally Stressed and Verbally Closed, Quadrant 2: Unstable Classroom Emotionally Stressed and Verbally Open, Quadrant 3: Unaware Classroom Emotionally Calm and Verbally Closed, Quadrant 4: Secure Classroom Emotionally Calm and Verbally Open).
I identify with elements of many of these classrooms (mostly the secure classroom - emotionally calm - but paradoxically, verbally closed). The family budget, or budgeting as a concept, was discussed in broad strokes, but money was very private.
My father and mother were on the same page with money and worked towards goals as a team. To the best of my knowledge everything was combined and joint and my parents - most of all my mother, but my Dad as well - had a very low opinion of debt and made very clear, when they noticed people living beyond their means (if you’re living beyond your means, you’re likely the only person that think you’re hiding it well, my folks are not judgmental people).
When these conversations would come up, my mother would say “Cash is King” and my Dad would usually say something like “it’s all debt”.
My Grandfather Reaney frequently had spare change that he had saved up that he shared amongst his grandchildren, and my Grandparents on the Eyre side would tape change into birthday and Christmas cards.
My father’s attitude was one of service - he didn’t “help his wife” - in that time, I would hear other people talk about helping their wives in one way or another, but that wasn’t the attitude that my Dad had towards my Mom or vice versa. Every chore was fair game together (many hands make light work), and there wasn’t a his/her to anything. I suppose Mom did all the cooking, which was appreciated, and we all cleaned up. It was rare that Mom did the vacuuming - my Dad wrestled with that central vacuum hose weekly.
Discussions or disagreements were either in private, or my folks got along unusually well. Occasionally, I hear “I know that’s not how your father talks to your mother” when I’m being selfish, arrogant, impatient or rude - and of course, Christina is correct. My parents have always been grateful for each other, respectful of each other, both in public and private.
I don’t remember when my mother started teaching me to cook, but I don’t recall a time in my life where I didn’t know how to cook.
Things and money weren’t lent - they were given.
Along the way, someone gave me an orange, see-through piggy bank with three slots that looked like a pirate chest - “give, save, spend”. As a child, any change that went in there was very quickly parted with - I struggled with impulsive spending for as long as I can remember.
Someone told me a while back that they “were way too old to blame [their] parents”, and they were correct. It’s tempting to blame our parents for our views, attitudes and actions towards money, but it’s lame. Our parents aren’t the problem with our unbalanced spending (or conversely, aren’t the reason we budget well) - we are. The good news is, we’re the problem. The great news is, we’re the solution.
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